I Don’t Just Want a Lover,  I Want a Best Friend, Too.

I Don’t Just Want a Lover,  I Want a Best Friend, Too


So, here’s the thing. It’s lonely being single. It’s hard going to bed each night alone, without someone to hold you close in the cold and the dark, without someone to wake up to each morning.

People are always telling me that I’m too fussy, that the reason I haven’t met the right guy yet is because my standards are too high. ‘Perfection doesn’t exist’, they tell me. They just don’t understand. 

I know that no one’s perfect. I don’t want perfection. What I want is something genuine. What I want is something real

My standards aren’t too high – I just refuse to settle for someone who I don’t really connect with. I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t on the same wavelength as me. Why would I want to make do with someone who only kind of fits the bill when there’s a person out there with whom I could be happy beyond belief?

I look around at the people I know and the relationships they have. They’re nearly all the same. They bicker and fight over tiny, irrelevant things. They don’t have many shared interests. They don’t even seem to particularly like each other, most of the time, let alone have fun together.

Why would I want that? What’s the point in settling for that kind of relationship just to avoid being single? I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person. 

I don’t just want a lover. I don’t just want someone to fill that role in my life. I don’t just want someone who I can take to family events so that I’m not the only single person there. I don’t just want someone who looks the part, or makes the right kind of money, or wears the right clothes and drives a nice car, or someone who I can show off to my friends as some kind of trophy or status symbol. 

‘You’re too picky’, they say. ‘You’ll end up alone’. Well, if that’s what has to happen, then so be it. I’d rather be independent and happy than settle for something fake. 

I don’t want to shackle myself into an empty shell of a relationship, no matter how pretty and perfect it might appear to be on the outside. I want real, true love. I want to be with someone who’s my best friend first and foremost. 

I want to be with someone that’s genuinely fun to be around. Someone who I can talk for hours about anything with. I want someone that makes me laugh. Someone who’s down to earth, who understands me and doesn’t expect me to always have makeup and nice clothes on. Someone who understands that I’m perfect and beautiful just as I am, even when we’re laying in bed on a Sunday morning after a night of getting drunk together and I’m wearing his t-shirt.

I want someone who’s equally happy going out for dinner to a nice restaurant, or for a picnic and cloud gazing in the park, or just sitting around the house enjoying each other’s company. I want someone who will help me pick out clothes when we go shopping. I want someone who will lay in bed with me all day, binge watching Netflix and eating pizza and ice cream.

I want someone I can be my true self with, someone who can be as goofy and stupid and weird as I am. I want to be with someone who I can have inside jokes with. Someone who I can make eye contact with and know what they’re thinking, with no words needing to be said at all.

I want someone with whom love feels natural and authentic and true. I don’t want a roommate that I pretend to be happy with – I want someone with whom the romance is real. Someone who loves me as much as I love them. Someone with whom there’s passion, chemistry, a spark.

I want someone who listens to me, who cares, who understands. I want someone that values and loves me for who I am, who encourages me to be the best version of myself and always believes in and inspires me. I want to be with someone who’s my best friend, my lover, my partner in crime. Someone who I can settle down and start a family full of love and laughter and happiness with. Someone that I can grow old in love with. If that makes me picky, so be it. I’ll hold out for that person forever if I have to. I won’t settle for less.

Is that really so much to ask?

Written by Maverick, Staff writer at Lessons Learned In Life Inc. ©

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